In which I come out of the depression closet

First, if you have not read the brilliant Rob Roberge’s essay, Crazy, go do that. I’m going to keep promoting it until everyone does.

Last days of crowdfunding to cover the post-production costs: an extra day of shooting and those crew members, insurance, camera rental, editing, color correcting, titles, score, film festival entry fees, etc. You may have noticed I have fallen down on the job a bit. Robin WilliamsThings like getting rear-ended and having to deal with reams of paperwork took up way too much time. Gah! Back to my point…. The anniversary of Robin Williams’ suicide is coming up in a week. Last year, it changed my life. I have been in and out of therapy most of my life. Turns out I have dysthymia, also known as persistent depressive disorder. So you see THE GREEN BENCH isn’t just some bit a fiction I wrote. It isn’t only about other people. I have a stake in this. Given the statistics, we all do really. I’m writing a memoir about it, particularly about its origins, but more on that another time.

Heather Gordon Young has a good piece about Cecil the Lion and her brother Jimmy’s mental struggles and why not only do we need to reduce stigma, but why we need all of us, including those of us who struggle with mental illness and depression. We grow poorer when we lose people like Jimmy or Robin Williams to suicide. I will say this much now about my own depression: I used the same reasoning Robin Williams did – I would never do anything to harm myself once I had children. I have two. He had three. And it didn’t matter. That woke me up and I went to a psychiatrist for the first time. I’m a textbook case. I told her what was going on and she read it right back to me out of the DSM. 2 of the 6 need to be present for diagnosis:

  • Poor appetite or overeating
  • Insomnia or hypersomnia
  • Low energy or fatigue
  • Low self-esteem
  • Poor concentration or difficulty making decisions
  • Feelings of hopelessness

I had all 6 including poor appetite, insomnia, and both poor concentration and difficulty making decisions. I thought that was me, but what a difference with an anti-depressant. Old obsessions melted away, I can sleep, I rarely skip meals any more, I don’t always feel hopeless and when it hits, I can fight it off and have healthy self-esteem for the first time.

If you want to celebrate my coming out of the mental illness closet, help us get to $12,000 by Thursday. Your donation is tax deductible. We have a ways to go, but I know there is a patron out there somewhere, an angel who will help this project get out to the festivals, then into the hands of the mental health community. Let’s stop the stigma.

3 ways your hometown can help your novel

News! The Rumpus just put up my piece on their series The Last Book I Loved – Nice Work by David Lodge, if you’re wondering. Lodge is a wonderful comic writer introduced to me by the brilliant Rob Roberge. I learned a lot (and was inspired by) reading and annotating comic novels by Lodge as well as Richard Russo, Carl Hiaasen, Zadie Smith, and others while I was writing my latest, Wrestling Alligators.  You can check out those and more annotations at Annotation Nation.

I’m from La Jolla, CA. It was a spectacularly beautiful place to grow up. La Jolla was the setting for my first book, Dead Weight, as well as my third, Growing Chocolate. I write about La Jolla because I love it, it’s part of me, but I also want to preserve some of my favorite places that no longer exist, including the garden of old family friends, long dead. The garden found a place in Growing Chocolate. I’m experimenting with changing that book into a YA (will let you know how it goes when I’m further in).

La Jolla also makes an appearance in Wrestling Alligators. There are three main characters, siblings who come into conflict: Alison, the oldest, a psych nurse, middle child Brian, a Wall St. strategist, and the youngest, Emma, a painter. At one point, Alison drives to San Diego. What better place for her to stay than the La Valencia? The hotel opened in 1926, designed by architect Reginald Johnson and cost $200,000. My dad used to have his annual office party in the Sky Room, which has a breathtaking view of the coast. More history? Gregory Peck used to host parties for the La Jolla Playhouse in the Whaling Bar. Raymond Chandler used the hotel as the backdrop to his thriller Playback. As long as I’m mentioning a mystery writer, take a look at Aaron Gansky on mystery vs. murky. On to the business at hand…

How can your hometown help your novel?

1. It will provide resonance in your writing. It’s a place where your first memories are formed, where you first explored the world, so those emotions are going to run deep and provide a goldmine of sensory and emotional experiences.

2. You know it and you know it in a way that a visitor can’t. Take a look at how it formed you. I grew up next to the ocean. The smell of the sea was always there. I was able to go to the beach after school whenever I wanted. My experience of the ocean is very different than someone who’s never seen it or from someone who never cares to. My childhood was spent building sandcastles, bodysurfing, running in the sand. When I grew up, I learned scuba diving and wrote a novel about it. Setting doesn’t only affect characters.

3. You know how to adapt it. If you want to create a fictional town for your characters, you can adapt your memories. Chances are those memories aren’t entirely accurate with the passage of time anyway. Use your hometown as a template for a fictional place and redesign it to suit your story.

One last look at the La Valencia

I’m going to have to visit soon…..